ooh

Another short post because i realise people actually read my blog which really creeps me out. My blog seems super sadistic because i only blog and write when I'm feeling really down and need to pen it down somewhere. So it's all about my feelings when I'm sad so the content doesn't sound exactly me BUT WHATEVER JSSHFHFHKFH. Maybe i will private it someday or something heheheheh

jdbjqjdbq

I think nowadays the title has no relation in what i want to say because the title is seriously irrelevant hahaha. Sometimes we're all wearing a mask and hiding behind, it's like i can't understand what you're thinking and what you think of me. And because of that, i feel scared, really scared. Because i know you may be criticising every single word i say. Furthermore, you're my friend and it's really important for me to know what you feel about me. Alas! But it's okay! I have decided to lead a positive and optimistic life and hopefully i manage to do it. If people don't like me theres nothing i can do except to accept and move on with life. Not everyone is gonna like me for who i am and i can't please all of them because that will be an even longer queue than during the GSS sales.

On the other hand, i have something to mention. Isn't it an irony how when i haven't stirred anything up or be involved in anything, yet i can be talked about? LOLOLOL like seriously brother. Not even pissed but amused hahahahhaha. Funny little world we're in.

sadgurl98

Always such a liar when i said i wanted to go on a social hiatus but never made it out alive. Really had to get a bunch of things of my chest and since i don't want to burden anyone all i can do is to blog about it. I knew i was never of utmost important to you, not to even say maybe the top 10 in your list of friends. Of course i feel annoyed too when i ask you questions because i don't want to feel clingy and make you feel annoyed as i already am.  And after the questions, i whole expect you to just be "ok" or "ya"  but you reply me with even more questions and look like you even try to make the conversation continue. Here comes the tough part. When i try to make the conversation continue, i don't see you making the effort and then lastly,  you left me hanging and don't reply ever. You know that kind of feeling whereby you eat this ball of food and then it gets stucked in your throat but it doesn't go down? Yeah i feel like that, always with you. You left me thinking what i did or said wrongly. Maybe one of the things about me is that i hate ending conversations, makes me feel alone and lonely. Actually everything makes me feel alone and lonely. Especially being surrounded by so many people but have no one to tell things u really want to say. Nowadays i'm learning how to push away peoole so that i won't have to get hurt and sad. That comes with the cost of me not being happy and being lonely. Doesn't matter because no one genuinely cares. All they wanted to know was who was it? What happened? Ands kkeuk it ends. People leave for others even better. Leave for a better girl, a better friend. Knew i wasn't the best but a girl can hope cant she? Now i even lost my hope.

0000

though no matter how hard i say i wanna get over you, make you regret, a part of me secretly wants to talk to you. actually i dont know exactly what i want too. 

What????

Really don't know what to blog today but i just feel like blogging. Thought i was happy but now i'm feeling alone and sad again. 

I wish i could be closer and more open to my classmates. I wish there was someone i could lean and depend on. I'm tired of fighting alone :( Everyone needs a little bit of love. Right?

C. 

()()()()

Super weird but i'm gonna list down places i'm gonna visit more often and maybe even my lepak place! Because some places hold super lots of memories or are just fun! 

1) Harbourfront 

I really like that place alot especially Vivo because Boost is there and screams a little drumrolls.... SENTOSA!!!! Sentosa boardwalk is like my fav fav fav of all time because it's just so pretty and beautiful and you can see all the ships there. Firstly was all the USS trips there with all the special ppl i went with (shelly n more) and the part whereby you walk from Vivo to sentosa with all the travellators love!!! Hold lots of memories and idk being there makes me forget my worries, looking at the USS rides and also the cruise and cable car ahhh i feel happy already. Secondly was with yingru and also my mom when we were at Vivo at night, looking at the night view and just seating there. I swear it's like literally so breathtaking i need an inhaler JUST KIDDING HAHA. But super lots of love for harbourfront and the boardwalk so im going to go there super often until im bored of it. There's also a secret memory there but i'm not gonna say it because this blog is open and public hahahahaha. Even though no one reads it but some stranger may sees it! And that secret is 95% why i wanna go to the boardwalk so badly!!!!

2) Holland Village 

Ahhhh this place is like my home hahahah. Place where Tiffany and I mainly spent our time eating especially the La Mian, memories of us talking etc! And d'Good Cafe with yingru when we celebrated her birthday super lots of fun times and JSISJWISJQOWJ. LASTLY ITS SUMO SALAD!!!! The place i cut vege everyday and i miss it so much so hollandv goes down my list beehee! And job hunting, icecream with some people, dinner with some people, memories worth to be kept :) 

3) Clarke Quay 

Literally one of my favourite place because i mean you can seat at the river side and watch boats go past what's there not to love???? It's really scenic and just cries i can read a book and chill with starbucks there the whole day no kiddding!! CAT CAFE WHISPERS.

4) Stadium

And by stadium i don't mean exercise but singapore indoor stadium! This place is literally, literally the place which holds my happiness. It's like my ball of happiness, except it's a building whoops. The place whereby i saw sj performing and cried so badly for them!!!! I cried because it's like reality!!?! I finally saw them and it was first row in the moshpit, hit me how i'm actually really gonna see them perform! The bunch of people who made me happy and smiled, they pushed me through life and told me that because we're a family, we're gonna tackle life together! And queuing for merch, moshpit etc the place where i made new friendships!!! <3 Even though now i'm not so into fandom anymore (bc of HIM) but i will forever be in it! Kallang Leisure mall someday my friends?? hehe

5) Airport! 

I love this place so much even though it's super far becauseeeee it's quiet, there's nice food, aircon and lastly the planes!!!! It's just so nice the ambience and i really love it so much i literally wished i was living there. Also this place holds memories, fetching my dad from work and hugging him, dancing Walks to Rihanna with KT and Yingru, and also with Tiffany and Darryl whereby i still hadn't claimed the slide yet sobs! But those super important people and memories makes the airport even more cool and homely for me. 

So errr yeah haha unexpectedly long chunk of passage but YEYHEY

C.

HUEEE

THIS IS SUPER WEIRD BUT 

Im actually thinking of all the flaws in him?????? Like how he dissed me, how he ignore me, how he made sad, how he made me confused, alone with all his mix signals. Is this the start to a forgotten crush :D! UGH i feel like punching him like a sandbag for ever thing he said to me but i will probably break down and cry before he says sorry. I don't know but i take comments really seriously especially ones which dissed me. I dont hold grudges, but i remember them so clearly if i mention it to you, you will probably be like huh when sial!! It's just me i dont want to remember them too but that's how my brain functions haiyo! 

C. 

Hhaha

I realise people actually read my blog like whaaaaaaat??1!1?1!1?1 Especially people who i didn't expect read my blog. 

I feel that if i laugh or smile more i will feel happier. Maybe that's why i try to do that more often. Hoping that it works and maybe i will feel positive and optimistic even in the school year!!!! Realise how ddoing i can be around people when i'm just really comfortable or i just let it go. In school, i often keep quiet because i'm really scared people will find me annoying (maybe i am), or i'm just too tired to even move. One thing that my teacher once told me "Singaporeans can laugh at others but not at themselves." I laughed at myself with my friends today while at ochard and it actually wasnt embarrassing at all but more of like me being really open and fine with them. I'm learning how to laugh at myself so that i will become less sensitive and self-conscious. I really want to improve myself, find a goal in life and work towards it. But currently now i'm at the stage of having fun so let's take things slowly!! And maybe because nowadays, i realise friends around me are starting to change a little, like don't you ever care about my opinions and feelings? But maybe it's because i didn't care about theirs too. "Treat others like how you would like to be treated." Rule rule rule. 

Thank god for friends anyway :) 

C. 

Whoops

Some people are like you're so skinny or pretty and i have a feeling when i say no they will be like hah i know you don't mean it. 

But i really mean no?? When peole say i'm pretty or skinny, i don't say no to seek attention or to fish for even more compliments. I feel that i don't deserve to be called pretty or skinny because to me, I'm not pretty or skinny enough in my own opinion. So i feel that i really do not deserve to be called that. Deserved, i really don't that's why i refused to be called that. So please don't ever misunderstand me!!!!!!!! I'm really happy today too but yesterday was really sad and disappointed but whatever it's all in the past so let's look into the future beehee! 

C.

Cousins

So i just came back from malaysia and decided to blog so YAY FOR ME! 

I realised that i really enjoy being in the comfort with my cousins. YR and KT. It's like being with them makes me feel that there are no worries in the world, i dont have to hesitate what i want to say, because even if they judge me there's nothing they can do because we're blood related. And when i'm with them i'm just literally full all out, like literally crazy, dancing and singing in public cries. But most of all they dont judge me at all even when i'm at my climax of retardness. (Like how i told KT i was vibrating on the spot etc). LOL. When we were young, our relationship wasnt really good especially since me and KT quarrelled alot over who's bubbles in powerpuff girls and being jealous when one goes out with the other. Since we matured soooo much now, our thinking has changed. I really want to thank them so much for all the companion and memories we made and spent together. They are people that even Super Junior (LOL) cant replace because theyre just that important to me! I hope we stay close and cant wait to party with them when we get older!! 

C. 

Feelings

I still don't know my feelings for you.

It's like when i see you, i dont feel nervous or anything, i want to talk to you. But im afraid that talking to you will bore you out, so i dare not talk to you too. How is it that i notice all the good points about you and getting past all your flaws. I'm tired of this chasing feeling. And you're a really great company to be with so i hope sOON my feelings will die off and we will be even become closer, as friends. I see girls around you.

But for now.

Why be jealous over you when you aren't even mine? 

Because I am. 

C.